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alessak
02 May 2009 @ 11:13 pm
meme  
Went to visit [info]yunie_sigh in her new home. It's very cozy and pretty even though it's still messy from moving. I was really happy that her mother and her didn't mind having me there though I'm still worried I might have been a bother...

A meme from [info]yunie_sigh

• Post these rules before you give your facts.
• List 10 random facts about yourself.
At the end of your post, tag 10 people and list their names. I hate tagging people!

1. Even though I act really chirpy and comical, deep down I rarely actually feel that way. When I'm alone I'm always thinking about how I've never been in a relationship and I get really sad all the time.
2. I feel really lonely all the time even though I know I have friends who love me.
3. I get really happy when people say they like me. I have no self-esteem so it means a lot to me that someone actually likes me.
4. I like shopping for clothes and makeup. I'm not appearance-centered, but I like combining different tones of lipstick with eyeliner colors. It's fun and it helps, though I don't wear tons of makeup like most girls.
5. I love animals. If I could I would spend my whole life surrounded with all kinds of animals and I definitely think I am at my most gentle and vulnerable state when I am with any kind of animal.
6. I'm ugly. That's why I wear eyeliner. I'm really ugly and I hide behind my personality a lot.
7. I honestly believe I'm a good, loyal friend and that sometimes I'm not treated as I deserve to be. But I'm too gullible and too nice to stand up for myself and, most of all, I'm afraid people will hate me if I do.
8. I genuinely like to help people. I get really happy if I find out I was the one to put a smile on someone's face and it fills me up inside.
9. All I really want is to fall in love with someone and have that person love me back.
10. I have an enormous crush on someone and only a few people know about it, because if everyone found it would be a disaster...
 
 
Current Music: Angela Aki - Onegai
 
 
alessak
07 July 2008 @ 05:28 am
I don't have much to say about life, but if anyone is interested I've been writing a lot in the last two days.
Two one-shots, actually.


Title: Nighttime Snacks
Genre: Comedy / Fluff
Characters: Akira Hainsfield, Aeria Kensinton, Kael Rimbauer, Frieda 'Fairy' Hendrick

http://alessa-k.deviantart.com/art/Nighttime-Snacks-90875111



Title: Truth
Genre: Romance / Angst
Characters: Aeria Kensinton, Akira Hainsfield, Helen Whitaker

http://alessa-k.deviantart.com/art/Truth-90889310


I'm having some weird problem with posting links to stuff, so yeah ^^; Sorry...

 
 
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: T.M. Revolution - HEART OF SWORD
 
 
alessak
20 July 2007 @ 04:28 am

A Thought of Silence
Leonard / Alessa
- implied sexual content - 

 
 
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Placebo - H.K. Farewell
 
 
alessak

"Fallen angels aren't warriors of evil. They are not Lucifer's messengers. They are not born traitors, or liars, or icons of deception, vice and corruption. They are simply innocent children, birds who failed to learn how to fly and had their wings turned black instead of broken."

"Neither passion nor love has ever been worthy of my trust. But even though you speak in their names, I trust you. And I hope to someday realize why I do it."

[ profile removed ]

Jonathan is one of the main characters of a novel I plan to write. Please comment if you read his full profile, or even his short one. 
Thank You!

[ K. ]
 
 
Current Mood: geeky
Current Music: Placebo - Running Up That Hill
 
 
alessak
29 April 2007 @ 01:05 pm
I've been thinking way too much about life, lately. But don't you think that it's a subject worth thinking about?
I know we don't have much time on this earth, as our life is only one and can never be rewinded and played again, so we shouldn't waste our time with philosophical questions. But I'm a curious person, and I sometimes think that it would be nice to know more about our existence. Not the "where did we come from? where are we going?" thing ( because I believe that is up to each individual to speculate about ), but the how much longer do we have? part.


Do you believe in life after death? Heaven, hell, purgatory? Or is it just one big limbo? Do you believe in reincarnation? Or do you believe in eternally wandering through this world in the shape of a spirit that people can't see?


Do you believe in God? Do you believe in a God? If so, what is (s)he like? Merciful? Powerful? Or demanding and authoritary? Is he a kind God, or a ruthless God?


When you die... where do you go? What will happen to you? Is it truly just one life?


If you share my curiosity for these things, you're welcome to comment on my post! I still hope that, someday, with all the technological advances we've been making, we'll be able to find out the answer to all these questions. Let's have faith in that.



On a different note...
Have you ever felt like your heat was about to blow up from hiding all these feelings? I'm feeling like that lately, but I can't tell that person that I've liked him for over seven months already. His girlfriend knows, because I couldn't hide such a thing from her - since she is, in fact, my friend.
I can't tell him, or our friendship will be ruined.



I'm sorry if I'm always writing stuff like this but the LJ is the only place I have to let these things out. My friends all have bigger problems than me so I can't possibly confide in them. It's shameful to worry about this kind of thing when everyone around me is in deeper trouble.


I wish I could be of some use to people. Serve as a confidant. But I get the feeling that people don't trust me, nor will they ever... Am I really that suspicious? The thing that makes me feel happiest is helping others in whatever way I can, but no one believes me when I say this. I don't consider myself selfless, nor will I ever be so - I'm actually quite selfish, materialisc-wise, I just try not to show. But just because I don't consider myself a selfless person, is that enough reason not to be trusted when I say I want to help? Because, well, it's true. I just want to help. What could I possibly gain from helping people? I never charge for payback favors. So where did I go wrong...? Why won't anyone let me try to help them?


I've been so romantic lately. I feel like crying out of hopelessness.
I hate being fat, ugly, dumb and stupid. I have no qualities whatsoever, yet my greatest dream is to be loved and love that person back. And I don't mean just as "something I really wish would happen". It is truly my life's dream and, inevitably, something I think about so much I end up crying almost every day.


It's so selfish of me... I have so many friends who care about me, but every day I feel so damn lonely. You know, like I have this gigantic hole in my chest and nothing I try succeeds in filling it. And daydreaming all the time about romance, true love, and a first kiss ( yes, I'm fifteen years old and I've never kissed anyone ) doesn't help much, but I can't stop myself....
So now I'm faced with a dilemma:
I want to love, and be loved back. But there's nothing I can do to change who I am.
What can I do...?


Anyway, this post is long enough already ^_^;
Thank you for reading, those who did~!






P.S.
Kris, I'm SO SORRY I didn't phone you on your birthday but I realized I had absolutely no money on my cellphone... I'm so sorry... You haven't been online so I imagine you're mad at me... I'm really sorry.

P.P.S.
Cheer up, Saki-chan <3 I love you very much and I'm sure everything will work out fine, in time... You just have to hold on, just a little longer, I know it's hard but you have to try, honey TT; *hugs*
 
 
Current Mood: peaceful
Current Music: Astral - Calla